Without you
by Spuffy IS true luv
Summary: All Human. Buffy and Spike are getting married, but when Spike don’t come home from the sea, the wedding can’t go through. Will Spike come back? Story is complete but if you want to read sequel, "With you" that's coming soon.
1. Losing You

**Summary:** All Human. Buffy and Spike are getting married, but when Spike don't come home from the sea, the wedding can't go through. Sorry crappy summary, but the story is going to be good… I hope.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own a thing, everything belongs to Joss Whedon and his super fantastic brain.

Chapter 1

"Okay, promise me. No strippers, be careful and no strippers, okay?" Buffy said for the third time.

"I promise, love. I can't believe we are getting married tomorrow, I can't wait for you to me my wife." Spike said and kissed her.

"I can't wait for you to be my husband either, I love you." She hugged him for a long time.

In hug Spike answered, "I love you more..."

"Impossible," she said back still in hug.

He pulled out from the hug and gave her a long kiss, "I love you more for every day passing. I love you so much, you know that right?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"I do know that, William. I love you too." She reached up for another kiss, before Xander interrupted them.

"Aw, you guys. It's only one day, then you can do each other as much as you like."

Buffy kissed Spike one more time before he sat in the car; she waved until she couldn't see them anymore. She sighed,_what the hell am I going to do now?_

***

Buffy just couldn't shake of that feeling that was telling her something was wrong. She tried to concentrate on the TV but it was useless and nothing was worth watching anyway. She looked at the clock, 23.35. They said they were going to be home at 22.30.

Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Oz and Xander was going on a boat trip as a bachelor party for Spike, the wedding was tomorrow.

A knock at the door, "Come in!" She yelled and in came all but Spike, "Where's William?" She asked worried.

"Buffy, you may have to sit down." Xander said.

And that she did, "What's going on?" She asked getting more worried, more worried about what might have happened to her William.

"On the boat trip, it was an accident. Spike fell over board; we tried to catch him… But it was useless, we looked all over for him but we didn't find him anywhere. Buffy, Spike is most possibly dead." Xander said starting to cry.

Buffy froze, her eyes full of tears, "No, no, no. You are pulling a sick joke, any minute now William will go through the door. You are just joking, he is alive! Please tell me he is alive!" She cried and Xander held her in his arms.

"I wish I could tell we were only joking, but we are not." He tried to calm her down but it was hard because he was sad too.

"But you didn't find his body! He could still be alive!" She cried.

"Yes, he could. But it was dangerous water Buffy, it is a very small chance he is alive." He said.

They hugged for a while and in the back Wesley, Gunn, Lorne even Oz was crying.

***

The funeral was harsh, she was supposed to hold a speak in honour of William but she broke down not able to say a word. They couldn't bury his body because they hadn't found it yet, but still seeing the tomb with his name on and the coffin that he was supposed to lie in made her cry so much she couldn't see.

Outside the minister held a speak, "We comment to almighty God, our brother, William Pratt and we commit his body to the ground. Earth to Earth, ashes to ashes and dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep her. The Lord makes his face to shine upon him and be gracious to him The Lord lift up his countenance upon him, and give him peace.

Buffy couldn't stop crying, looking down on the now covered with dirt coffin, her fiancé was dead! She was supposed to marry him a week ago but she couldn't because he was gone, he was dead.

Everyone had started leaving; she stood there and looked down on newly touched earth.

4 hours passed and she was still there, on her knees touching the dirt.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I am going to talk anyway. I don't know how to go on with my life without you William. You were supposed to be my husband at this time, but instead you are gone, out of my life so fast I couldn't even see it. I love you with all my heart and I miss you so much, I don't know how to go through with my life, my heart aches and wish I would convince you not to go on that stupid boat trip! I wish you were here with me, supporting me, loving me, holding me. Every time I close my eyes I see your face, every time I wake up you are on my mind. Some part of me are saying you aren't dead but that is probably just the hopeful part, right? I wish we could have our chance, had our happily and ever after. I wish I could do something to bring you back, anything! I love you, and I hope this is just a dream and I'll wake up soon. Why can't I wake up? Why? WHY?! Why you…?"

**A/N: **The minister talk was from the episode 'Forever' when Joyce gets buried, I switched the her with him. Hope it didn't get to sad, I started crying just writing it so. There will be other chapters, I have a plan all planned out, so please review, tell me what you think tell me if you like it or don't like it just be honest. ;)


	2. Grieving For You

Chapter 2

Buffy couldn't believe it had been a month since Spike's death, every day she had visited his grave well not exactly HIS grave but she didn't know another place to go to 'talk' to him.

She thought of all their times while she was in bed. It was time to get up, she knew that but she couldn't bring herself to do that.

*FLASHBACK*

_Buffy and Spike are sitting on a romantic restaurant, Spike is holding Buffy's hands in his and both are looking in each other's eyes._

"_Buffy, I know we have only known each other for six months now, but it feels like I've known you forever. I love you and everyday passing I love you even more, I didn't think it was possible having a love this strong, but you proved me wrong. I love you, Buffy…" He said walking from the chair he sat on and kneeled to the ground, "Buffy, will you marry me?"_

_Buffy has tears in her eyes and all eyes in the restaurant are turned on the couple, exited for the answer, "Oh, William. I don't know what to say…"_

"_Say yes and you make me the happiest man on earth," He answered tears forming in his eyes._

"_Oh William… OFCOURSE IT'S YES!" She said and he got up on his legs and her with him when he pulled his arms around her and she had her arms around his neck and they got together in a fiercely kiss. And all the people in the restaurant either clapped or made 'naaaw' noises._

*END FLASHBACK*

Buffy was sitting in her bed crying now, thinking of Spike. She looked at her watch, '13:48' Buffy sighed and thought some more of her former friend, fiancé and lover.

*FLASHBACK*

_Buffy is dancing at the dance floor on the bronze when Spike is coming behind her, "'Lo, love." He says._

"_I was wondering when the handsome stranger was going to show up," She says turning around so she is facing him and they hell eye contact while they are dancing together._

"_So, pet… Have a name?" He_ _asked in a whisper as she was dancing close to him, when she turned around so her back was against his she answered,_

"_Buffy, and yours?" She was grinding against him womanly pride washed over her as she felt his erection against her._

"_Spike…" He gasped as she grabbed his hands putting them on her body._

"_Is Spike really your name?" She asked, breathing heavily._

"_No," He said his hands moving up her body and down._

"_Fine, be that way… So you're English right?" She then asked._

_He smiled, "Yeah." He put his arms around her waist._

_She turned around and before she knew it he kissed her, his tongue on her lips she knew he wanted to enter her mouth so she opened her mouth and their tongues met she got weak in her knees and put her arms around his neck. _

*END FLASHBACK*

Buffy was crying quiet now, her tears was just falling down her cheeks her memory of their first kiss on her mind.

She got up from the bed and looked at herself in the mirror; her eyes were red from crying and she was wearing his shirt.

Opening their closet she looked for something to wear to go out from the house, she took out a pair of her own jeans and one of his shirts that still smelled of him she always wore something of his so it felt like he still was with her.

Grabbing her keys from her desk she went out the door not even bothering putting on make-up and rushed down the stairs of her and Spike's house they had bought together.

She ran outside, didn't want to see the blue sky she jumped in his car and drove to the cemetery.

She walked up to where his grave was and sat down on her knees in front of it, tears was still in her eyes.

"Hey, it's me… I can't really believe you are gone, I can't get used to the feeling that you aren't there when I wake up, and I can't get used to not seeing you anywhere in our house… Well I guess its mine house now, right? I really miss your eyes, your touch, your voice, and your face, your smiles… God I miss everything about you! I don't want to live a life without you, and I don't know how I am supposed to go on, everyone is expecting me to be okay but I'm not! I'm not! I, I, I want to be able to talk to you about what's happening in my life. Just think about it, if the boat trip didn't happened if you just would go to Las Vegas as everyone else we would have been married now! And we would have had a one month anniversary of our wedding and a one year anniversary for our relationship." She cried out touching his tomb, tracing his name.

She rose to her feet, looking down on the tomb when she heard a male voice behind her, "BUFFY!"

She turned around seeing Robin? Robert? Raymond? Ray? Riley? Riley, that's it! "Hey Riley…"

"Why are you here?" _God he doesn't even know my fiancé is supposed dead._

"I am visiting my fiancés grave, why are you here?" she asks.

"Oh my god I am so sorry, I didn't even know. You know, I should just leave you alone and again, I am sorry for your loss." He said and turned around to leave.

"Wait," Buffy said.

"What?" He asked turning around.

"Never mind," she said kneeling to Spike's grave again.

*FLASH BACK*

_Buffy is opening her eyes seeing Spike's, "Good Morning, pet." He says streaking her hair. _

"_Mmmm, hello," she says pulling closer to his body, her one leg are over both his and her hand is on his chest she reaches up to him for a kiss that ends with him pushing her down in the bed on-top of her pulling her arms up over her head one hand holding her hands the other on her clit._

_He gives her a quick kiss and kisses her neck, down to her chest, then breast, her stomach, and then down to the one spot that was aching for his tongue; still is his one hand holding both of hers._

_He spread her downer lips with his tongue licking her from bottom to top suckling at her clitoris and some other places, and then he thrust his tongue inside her which got a loud moan from Buffy._

_He sucks at various spots on her kissing her too, whispering "I love you." Made her come in a second and then he crawled up her body in a totally hot way._

_He locked eyes with her kissing her on the mouth, "You l, love me?" She asks and he kisses her neck, "I don't expect you to say it back, but I do love you." He said in her neck then pulling back to look in her eyes._

"_I, I love you too." She said._

"_Oh Buffy," He says a smile on his lips kissing her over and over again on her mouth. "Love you. (Kiss) So. (Kiss) Much. (Kiss)._

*END FLASHBACK*

She touches the tomb saying over and over again, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…"


	3. Seeing You

DISCAIMERE: First chapter  
SUMMARY: First chapter

Sorry for the short chapter..

Chapter 3

Four months had gone by, FOUR months and Buffy's hole in her heart hadn't healed a bit. She still missed him so her stomach hurt; she still visited his grave every day.

She was sitting in her room.

*FLASHBACK*

_Buffy and Spike were in bed lying next to each other._

"_Now why won't you let me in you ass?" Spike asked._

"_Because it's……icky."_

"_Oh I promise it won't be icky, girls love it."_

"_Oh that makes it better."_

"_The point was that probably 9 out of 10 I have done it with have loved it."_

"_SPIKE! I don't want to hear about the 10 woman you've __conquered!"_

"_Oh I have conquered more than 10…"_

"_SPIKE! …how many exactly?" _

"_I will tell you on one condition."_

"_I'm not letting Spike Jr. in my ass."_

"_Then I won't tell you."_

"_Okay then, tell me now and then I let you. How. Many. Women?"_

"_You're my hundred."_

"_You slept with 99 girls BEFORE me?!"_

"_Yupp."_

"_And all these were a relationship."_

"_Nope." He moved to kiss her neck._

_He moved up to kiss her and when she didn't kiss back he said, "it isn't that big of a number, I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, and now I'm twenty-six that's 10 years from each other 365 times 10 is 3650 and you split that on 100 is 36,5. It is only 36 to 37 girls each year… and that is… around 3 girls each month."_

"_When you put it that way it is still a lot but it sounds smaller than 99 girls."_

"_Good," He kissed her and she kissed back now._

_He broke the kiss and got a bottle of 'Astro Glide' and a condom pack from the drawer._

"_Now, get on your stomach and do what I say._

*END FLASHBACK*

She heard the doorbell down stairs and went slowly to the door and opened it and outside was Riley, _great (!)_

"Hey Buffy," he said and walked past her.

"Hey just let yourself in…" She said ironically.

"So what do you want?" She asked him.

"Oh I just wanted to talk… You see, I just wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot." She said, trying to be quick as possible to get him to leave.

"I just wondered, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me some day?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah…"

"Just let me get this straight, you come here four months after my fiancé DIED and you ask me out?! I can't see anyone in this time; I can't even get over him. I loved him, no make that love and you ask me for a date!?" she yelled at him.

"So that's a no then?"

"God do you own a brain?! Just get out! Get out, get out, get out!" She yelled after him as he ran down the driveway._ Maybe I was a little hard on him._

***

Buffy drove up in his car to the cemetery, fresh flowers with her she went down and sat at his tomb, crying.

"Hey, it's me again. I can't believe it has been four months now, days have just flown by. Actually the only thing I am looking forward to now is here, talking with you. Your clothes don't smell like you anymore… And I can't think of a special thing that was you, generally I would have thought of your coat but since you were wearing that I can't actually have that to remind me of you… I miss you so much, I keep thinking on what it would have been like if you wouldn't went overboard. Would you have been with me here then, supporting me, loving me, holding me? I miss you SO much; you were my dream guy I didn't think exist. And when I found you I lost you? That doesn't make any sense! And you know what the worst part is? I can't go on with my life, I don't know if I can see other people because I don't know if you are dead. Not that I want to see anyone, but this guy Riley asked me out and I yelled at him and told him to get out, I'm losing it without you, I don't want to be with a guy at the moment but it had been nice to know, you know? Well, I guess I'll be back tomorrow talk to you about other things. I miss you, and I love you, I still love you. And if you really are dead, I want you to know that it is a place for you in my heart forever."

"There's a place in my heart for you too forever." A male voice said behind her.

She saw her guy there, he was thinner and hadn't shaved since he probably went overboard and his bleached hair wasn't bleached anymore, "William?" she said tears in her eyes.

**A/N: **:O He is back? How? Will there be a happy ending, only way to find out is to read the next chapter, and PLEASE review my story :) And sorry if you are a Riley fan I just don't like him that much.


	4. NOTE

Okay, this is a note that goes to all my stories, I will stop updating here and have started to use The Spuffy Realm, link to my profile there: ?uid=3790

My names the same but now I only have the story "Without You" up there, (alot is changed!!!)

I will have other stories up when I'm done with first story;)

XXX


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